Deadly Nightshade: A Displaced Fairy Tale

Jericho, Pace, and Simon were idealistic but bored and rebellious youth, united by the recent outcast status conferred on them by the authority of Bozeman High’s disciplinary committee. The offense need not be detailed here; suffice it to say that the stunt included a vacuum cleaner, four volumes of the Oxford English Dictionary, twelve paper clips, and a disgruntled co-conspirator who eventually ratted them out and thus remains nameless. She knows who she is. The implicated students narrowly missed being brought up on charges of mail fraud, impersonating members of the royal family, and scaring small rodents (officially known as animal cruelty). Luckily, the punishment remained in school hands and the errant students were not remanded to the custody of government officials.

At first the freedom of suspension excited Jericho, who suggested they use the time to form a band, gain riches, and parley their fame into an MTV reality show. Pace and Simon couldn’t think of anything better to do, so they started practicing loud instruments and writing sappy songs. While things didn’t quite work out as planned, the threesome’s ingenuity and energy resulted in the most creatively written, produced, and performed indication of repentance and rehabilitation in the history of the school, a three-act rock opera replete with glittery costumes, dangerous pyrotechnics, and dogs walking on their hind legs. Not only did this extravaganza win them friends and fans across the school, it also convinced the administration to allow the wayward student musicians to return to classes before their term of punishment was quite complete.

Everything was going swimmingly. Simon started dating the most beautiful girl in the senior class, Jericho’s repeated existential crises earned him a perpetual spotlight with the emo crowd, and Pace reinvented himself as a dreamy but conflicted chanteuse with a legion of dedicated hangers-on at his beck and call. This new order of things was, of course, too good to last.

Once again, an impressively offensive and life-threatening deed literally rocked the school. Although nothing could be proven, Jericho, Pace, and Simon were the immediate suspects. Conveniently, the school administration discovered a technicality whereby it could promptly and without warning expel the troublesome threesome. No amount of evidence, no number of alibis or professions of innocence could reverse the decision.

Again having inordinate amounts of time on their hands, the boys reinvested their energies into the band. Stellar MySpace and YouTube receptions vaulted the trio, now known as Deadly Nightshade, into overnight stardom. As you might imagine, this forged a deep rift between the teenage musicians and their former high school classmates. As you might also imagine, the band fielded many offers for professional, legal, and financial representation.

Belladonna, a highly-experienced, spotlight-hungry manager with a major record company offered the most lucrative deal and won the contract. Deadly Nightshade worked hard writing songs, rehearsing for shows, and creating memorable sound bites for interviews. They had little time to worry about the money that was pouring in as a result of all their success and so they left Belladonna in charge of their investments. After a record-breaking world tour, the boys decided a sabbatical was in order. Jericho called the manager to inform her of this decision. To his surprise, she disclosed the fine print of the band’s contract, giving them no voice in such decisions and naming herself as the sole trustee for the boys’ wealth. She demanded that they begin preparing immediately for their upcoming recording sessions and photo shoots and hung up. Vacation was not on the schedule.

Pace then came up with a plan. After a few days of the band dutifully following orders, he invited Belladonna to discuss business over drinks at a trendy nightclub. After plying her with drinks and charm, paparazzi and poses, Pace confessed his attraction for the much older woman. Flattered and drunk, she took the (jail)bait to her room, all the while muttering lewd suggestions. Upon entering the suite (paid for by the band, of course) and stripping off her designer clothes and imported jewelry (also included in her contract), Belladonna began advancing towards the boy. At that moment, Pace uttered the word “oven” in the direction of a barely-visible lump under his shirt. On cue, the doors to the suite opened, crowded with gawking photographers and reporters.

The ensuing scandal revealed many other of Belladonna’s indiscretions and less-than-legal activities. She submitted a change of address forwarding her mail to a federal prison outside of Tacoma. The contract with Deadly Nightshade was deemed null and void, giving the boys control of a considerable fortune. But this was also the end of their fifteen minutes of fame. Rock operas were so last week. Not entirely saddened, the boys returned to their hometown, and although they still were not allowed to return to school, the boys’ classmates welcomed them back as heroes.

The money paid for damages to the school and the requisite completion of the boys’ interrupted high school education. Simon would never be a geometry whiz, but he did get to teach keyboards to a succession of rather cute and admiring pupils. Jericho started a karaoke coffee bar and gave himself top billing every night. And Pace? Pace underwent gender reassignment treatment and now goes by the name of Sofia.